My friend Krithi, has written a sequel to my post "Possibilities." http://kaththiri.blogspot.com/2009/06/sequel-to-post-of-my-friend-named.html Here is my reply to it!
(I only hope Krithi is not pissed at my reply coming after so lonnnng!)
This is indeed a great post and I loved reading and thinking about it.
Firstly, I jus wanted to point out that the "dream" of going on bike (in my previous post) with my sweetheart is more like a fantasy and thus even if it'll come true or not, it doesn't matter. I jus gave a random example. I guess its wrong to call it a "dream." And as she pointed out rightly, "Is this a vital thing to be given importance?" True that it doesn't matter, I guess I was only pointing out that the possibility is no longer there. There's nothing good or bad in it ;-)
Talking about dependency on our husbands, "As my friend has correctly mentioned I felt dependency is frustrating for me even."
My thoughts about this is that - yes it is true we are dependent on people always in some way or the other. But somehow it's engraved into our minds or rather, it's never unusual for us to ask parents/siblings for any help for money or in making decisions. It in fact might be natural to be dependent on them. But since coming here and we being dependent on our husbands is very unusual for us and coz we don't know much abt their lives, we feel this dependence as something new and like as if we never had it in our lives so far!
The contradicting thought that'll come into our minds while asking our husbands for anything is that, we feel husbands ought to know what we want! and if they question, we feel they don't understand us, when they "actually" shud be the most understanding ppl for us.
So with all this, dependency on them becomes even more awkward.
So indeed, Krithika is very right to say "it's our attitude problem." We feel we are equally on par with our husbands. But when it comes to elders, we don't mind their questions and our dependency on them.
Actually our husbands might even feel we have more responsibility in making our relationship more harmonious... I mean, without the feelings of "dependency" existing. This is because we have a LOT more time than they do. When we think that we have lost all our independence after coming here, at the same time - for the same reason, they are actually thinking that we have become free birds! So you see the conflict of attitudes?
She has done such a nice picture portrayal and situation sketch!
For example, the dependence for going out... was never there! It was always in our minds. This is definitely something even I faced. But it was a lil' frurstrating wait as in this city there is absolutely nothing which is "walking distance." In fact, you'll never find a pedestrian here. So it took me time to start driving, get a license and finally become a free bird :-) Now I go out on my own, in my car and with music full ON! I love it and my husband is the first person to feel happy about it! He now in fact wants me to do all grocery shopping and whatever it is all on my own! For this I know the main reason is so that he can relax at home after a hard day's work instead of again going out to malls... hahahaha! Well, I'm kidding but ya the point is, he does love it when I am on my own!
Jus like how Krithika says she could do self analysis while writing and does not think before writing - its quite true for me too! It always makes me feel lighter when I write or talk!
Thanks for reading.
Saturday, June 20, 2009
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Possibilities
Isn't it true how the possibilities of what you can do reduce as we grow old? When you are a kid, you thought u can be this, u can be that, why not do this, why not that? You would have thought of a hundred different things you would do. "I wanna go around the earth in a space shuttle once." "I wanna be a rock star." This surely looked possible for me then! NOW, I will just say, ah I see no way that'll ever happen to me.
Why so much exagerration of a dream... I can even talk about something small. I always loved motor bikes. Since childhood I've been crazy of speed on bikes and dreamt of sitting behind my honey on his motor bike and going zoom! I would love to break rules and then escape from being caught! Adventures of all sorts!
Now, when I see those zooming motorbikes on roads - I still dream sitting on the back seat. Once when I mentioned to Parth about how fun it is, he simply said "what nonsense!" It didn't strike to me what it meant at that point of time. Later I realized - I should simply just forever not think of motorbikes again... forget dreaming about going with ur honey on it!!! That small dream is now yes - can now be a crumbled paper in trash can :-( :-(
Parth said, as we get older, we get wiser and so we don't want to do such stupid biking anymore. Our priorities change. But I think - it's the possibilities that narrow down! For me the possibility has become zero coz my honey hates it! So, it's the possibility. If I keep prioritizing things, I will never dream... right?
In the same flow, I started thiking of what happened to me in the last one year. Me coming to US has narrowed or zeroed all possibilities! I was handicapped and I was basically felt like a prisoner this one year. Oh so much dependence, never ever ever had for anything! Now maybe with this Masters and my driving license, I can slowly build up my "possibilities" but at the same time I need to build a new me. The old me is useless here.
Now, acc to Parth buying a house will narrow the possibilities of us going back to India. Because now our priority is to not to incur losses coz of the house.(paused to think: "money is the root of all problems directly or indirectly. Damn, wish I had some carefree zone there.)
So what's the solution? If a person cannot take risks, there will be jus nothing that could have possibly existed. Oh, why go so far? If one cannot take risks, no one would have bought a house. The safest is, jus keep living in a rented apartment (nothing wrong in it surely), keep going with the flow, lay low and thus, lay safe!
Okay, this post is taking wild turns and is going nowhere I can see. All I wanna say is, as you grow old, ur dreams a jus a few. The "feasibility" of ur childhood dreams gets narrow or zero. Some might be silly, but what if u think they are not silly or what if they are with you still? Are they still possible? Do we have to stop dreaming or hoping? My worst fear of not having my family/friends near to me, will it come true coz it now seems "possible"????
Thanks for reading (and getting confused).
Why so much exagerration of a dream... I can even talk about something small. I always loved motor bikes. Since childhood I've been crazy of speed on bikes and dreamt of sitting behind my honey on his motor bike and going zoom! I would love to break rules and then escape from being caught! Adventures of all sorts!
Now, when I see those zooming motorbikes on roads - I still dream sitting on the back seat. Once when I mentioned to Parth about how fun it is, he simply said "what nonsense!" It didn't strike to me what it meant at that point of time. Later I realized - I should simply just forever not think of motorbikes again... forget dreaming about going with ur honey on it!!! That small dream is now yes - can now be a crumbled paper in trash can :-( :-(
Parth said, as we get older, we get wiser and so we don't want to do such stupid biking anymore. Our priorities change. But I think - it's the possibilities that narrow down! For me the possibility has become zero coz my honey hates it! So, it's the possibility. If I keep prioritizing things, I will never dream... right?
In the same flow, I started thiking of what happened to me in the last one year. Me coming to US has narrowed or zeroed all possibilities! I was handicapped and I was basically felt like a prisoner this one year. Oh so much dependence, never ever ever had for anything! Now maybe with this Masters and my driving license, I can slowly build up my "possibilities" but at the same time I need to build a new me. The old me is useless here.
Now, acc to Parth buying a house will narrow the possibilities of us going back to India. Because now our priority is to not to incur losses coz of the house.(paused to think: "money is the root of all problems directly or indirectly. Damn, wish I had some carefree zone there.)
So what's the solution? If a person cannot take risks, there will be jus nothing that could have possibly existed. Oh, why go so far? If one cannot take risks, no one would have bought a house. The safest is, jus keep living in a rented apartment (nothing wrong in it surely), keep going with the flow, lay low and thus, lay safe!
Okay, this post is taking wild turns and is going nowhere I can see. All I wanna say is, as you grow old, ur dreams a jus a few. The "feasibility" of ur childhood dreams gets narrow or zero. Some might be silly, but what if u think they are not silly or what if they are with you still? Are they still possible? Do we have to stop dreaming or hoping? My worst fear of not having my family/friends near to me, will it come true coz it now seems "possible"????
Thanks for reading (and getting confused).
Picture Tag
Have been wanting to blog since long, but I have so many things going on in my mind I feared I'll talk too much and unnecessarily.
Here I found this post in one of my frnd's blog page. I thought this is the time to blog again.
The rule is - I'm supposed to paste an image for every answer of mine which get from the first page of google image search, with minimal explanation. So, here are mine....
1. The age you will be in your next birthday:26
2. A place you’d like to travel to: Greece
3. Your Favourite place: Hyderabad
4. Your favourite food/drink: gongura
5. Your favourite pet: bird
6. Your favourite colour combination: red and black
7. Your favourite piece of clothing: frock
8. Your all time favourite song: Nothing else matters (Metallica)
9. Your favourite TV show: First time home buyers (HGTV) (Current favorite, I'm on a house-hunt here remember!!)
10. Full name of your significant other: Parthasarathy
11. The town in which you live in: Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
12. Your screen name/nickname: Anjana (I dunno who the heck is this in the pic. I expected Lord Anjaneya (Hanuman)'s pic)
13. Your first job: Software Engineer
14. Your Dream Job: Filmmaker
15: Bad Habit you have: Laziness
16. Your worst fear:Settling down in USA (hmm, I think all my answers are w.r.t. my current state of mind)
17. The one thing you’ll like to do before you die: Earn lots of money (I wanna get independent and do what I want, lot of them)
18. The first thing you’ll buy if you get $1,000,000: Go back to India and give free education to poor (One of the major things I wanna do when I "earn that lots of money" too)
Thanks for reading.
Here I found this post in one of my frnd's blog page. I thought this is the time to blog again.
The rule is - I'm supposed to paste an image for every answer of mine which get from the first page of google image search, with minimal explanation. So, here are mine....
1. The age you will be in your next birthday:26
2. A place you’d like to travel to: Greece
3. Your Favourite place: Hyderabad
4. Your favourite food/drink: gongura
5. Your favourite pet: bird
6. Your favourite colour combination: red and black
7. Your favourite piece of clothing: frock
8. Your all time favourite song: Nothing else matters (Metallica)
9. Your favourite TV show: First time home buyers (HGTV) (Current favorite, I'm on a house-hunt here remember!!)
10. Full name of your significant other: Parthasarathy
11. The town in which you live in: Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
12. Your screen name/nickname: Anjana (I dunno who the heck is this in the pic. I expected Lord Anjaneya (Hanuman)'s pic)
13. Your first job: Software Engineer
14. Your Dream Job: Filmmaker
15: Bad Habit you have: Laziness
16. Your worst fear:Settling down in USA (hmm, I think all my answers are w.r.t. my current state of mind)
17. The one thing you’ll like to do before you die: Earn lots of money (I wanna get independent and do what I want, lot of them)
18. The first thing you’ll buy if you get $1,000,000: Go back to India and give free education to poor (One of the major things I wanna do when I "earn that lots of money" too)
Thanks for reading.
Monday, May 18, 2009
MS and me
MS in US is the most common thing any dependent wife with either a lil' bit push from inside (she is bored of sitting at home) or push from outside (earning money reasons) will do.
I have already completed 2 of my courses here at RMU. I got an A and a B+. Not bad for the effort I put in! I led a normal house-wife kinda life even during the peak time of the courses. My anniversary, Puerto Rico trip, potlucks, get-togethers, day-outs and me falling sick for a long time in between all this... and my cooking... all this jus kept me away from my studies. I hardly did anything - and the grades, ahh... shouldn't have got that! I mean, both the courses were taught by some tough profs and yet! Well if it's so easy getting good grades, what'll ever motivate me to study more?? sigh!
One of the courses was "Decision Support systems". Here the cool prof "Packy" taught us MS Excel and Access. He is such a funny guy. Always loved his classes. I used to have a very hard time controlling my laughter at the funny things he told and the funny mistakes he used to make. The class had an average age of 35-40 yr olds. There as absolutely no one who was interested to talk or stay even a minute after the class ended. All what we can learn and do in assignments were given online so there was even no need to attend all classes. In fact, out of the 8, I attended only 5. The assignments were also not that great as he solved similar stuff in his ppts. So though they were very time consuming, I hardly applied my brain. But the good thing is, I learnt all that he taught.
The other course was DBMS. The name of this course itself brings so many events into my mind, a student from VCE IT! Though we had this course during our engineering, we were never taught. All of us learnt it in groups and scored minimum marks. Well, what happened was, we were assigned a new prof for this course and she was a young lady. We made so much fun of her in the classes that she started crying and abandoned coming to our class. It had obviously become a big issue and there was no one to teach almost the whole sem! So DBMS always remained the toughest of all courses for me as I hardly understood anything.
In this univ too, jus for another experience sake in DBMS, I got a gay prof. He is more than 55 yrs old but gay!!! Again, I had a hard time not laughing in this class too. But this gay guy... ah, gave me a hard time. He was totally wierd. Instead of giving us a print-out of what he is expecting to see in the assignments before we actually submit it, he handed out those print-outs after assignment evaluation. I was like... you mus be crazy! How can you jus cut points? You shud have given it to us before we submitted the thing, you stupid gay professor! So well, I did lose some points in the beginning, but after I got a hang of this gay - I did well. So that's why the B+ and not A :(
Strange thing about the MS I'm doin is, it hardly feels like college. It had the main criteria of the low fee I was looking for and also, no thesis for getting a Masters! These two points dragged me to the univ, but what the heck, it's not college!! Can you believe I don't have a single friend (other than one desi gal) even after completing 2 courses? The (old)age of my classmates is like a big wall between them and me. It's funny to see not jus one - but so many men/women with grey hair and may be even having kids of my age studying with me in the same class!
The course schedule is also a bit funny... I mean, jus 8 weeks? Only 8 classes per course?? By the time I get a hang of the prof and the course - the course has ended! hahaha!!!
Not jus that - It's been almost 3 weeks and I am still on a break. It'll last another week now. Break from what, man?? Don't even know how the two courses ended. I'm so so totally totally bored with this break. I dont' even have that lil' studying to do. The next term, I registered for only 1 course - Project Management. Since the sun is here now, I want to spend some time with him :-) So will get back to being a book-worm when he goes away. And don't ask me why Project Management. It was the only "good" course being offered this time.
The best thing I'm liking about my MS is the independence I'm getting with it! I have my own thing to do now! I drive to school, I have my studies to do, my assignments to do, my time to manage :D wow, it makes me feel so good! I can possibly even have a set of my friends - though I don't see that happening too much actually. But whenever someone talks to me for somethin, I get totally excited! :D It's like yayy... he might become my friend! ;) hmm.. still waiting for one though...
So yes, it's a good time out for myself with this MS thing. It's pluses all the way - no much effort, occupies my free time, less fee, no thesis, will get a Masters degree at the end of it, that too in jus a year, have an internship option during MS, an OPT after it's done and also giving me an option to look for jobs in Data Warehousing after it's done.
Thanks for reading.
I have already completed 2 of my courses here at RMU. I got an A and a B+. Not bad for the effort I put in! I led a normal house-wife kinda life even during the peak time of the courses. My anniversary, Puerto Rico trip, potlucks, get-togethers, day-outs and me falling sick for a long time in between all this... and my cooking... all this jus kept me away from my studies. I hardly did anything - and the grades, ahh... shouldn't have got that! I mean, both the courses were taught by some tough profs and yet! Well if it's so easy getting good grades, what'll ever motivate me to study more?? sigh!
One of the courses was "Decision Support systems". Here the cool prof "Packy" taught us MS Excel and Access. He is such a funny guy. Always loved his classes. I used to have a very hard time controlling my laughter at the funny things he told and the funny mistakes he used to make. The class had an average age of 35-40 yr olds. There as absolutely no one who was interested to talk or stay even a minute after the class ended. All what we can learn and do in assignments were given online so there was even no need to attend all classes. In fact, out of the 8, I attended only 5. The assignments were also not that great as he solved similar stuff in his ppts. So though they were very time consuming, I hardly applied my brain. But the good thing is, I learnt all that he taught.
The other course was DBMS. The name of this course itself brings so many events into my mind, a student from VCE IT! Though we had this course during our engineering, we were never taught. All of us learnt it in groups and scored minimum marks. Well, what happened was, we were assigned a new prof for this course and she was a young lady. We made so much fun of her in the classes that she started crying and abandoned coming to our class. It had obviously become a big issue and there was no one to teach almost the whole sem! So DBMS always remained the toughest of all courses for me as I hardly understood anything.
In this univ too, jus for another experience sake in DBMS, I got a gay prof. He is more than 55 yrs old but gay!!! Again, I had a hard time not laughing in this class too. But this gay guy... ah, gave me a hard time. He was totally wierd. Instead of giving us a print-out of what he is expecting to see in the assignments before we actually submit it, he handed out those print-outs after assignment evaluation. I was like... you mus be crazy! How can you jus cut points? You shud have given it to us before we submitted the thing, you stupid gay professor! So well, I did lose some points in the beginning, but after I got a hang of this gay - I did well. So that's why the B+ and not A :(
Strange thing about the MS I'm doin is, it hardly feels like college. It had the main criteria of the low fee I was looking for and also, no thesis for getting a Masters! These two points dragged me to the univ, but what the heck, it's not college!! Can you believe I don't have a single friend (other than one desi gal) even after completing 2 courses? The (old)age of my classmates is like a big wall between them and me. It's funny to see not jus one - but so many men/women with grey hair and may be even having kids of my age studying with me in the same class!
The course schedule is also a bit funny... I mean, jus 8 weeks? Only 8 classes per course?? By the time I get a hang of the prof and the course - the course has ended! hahaha!!!
Not jus that - It's been almost 3 weeks and I am still on a break. It'll last another week now. Break from what, man?? Don't even know how the two courses ended. I'm so so totally totally bored with this break. I dont' even have that lil' studying to do. The next term, I registered for only 1 course - Project Management. Since the sun is here now, I want to spend some time with him :-) So will get back to being a book-worm when he goes away. And don't ask me why Project Management. It was the only "good" course being offered this time.
The best thing I'm liking about my MS is the independence I'm getting with it! I have my own thing to do now! I drive to school, I have my studies to do, my assignments to do, my time to manage :D wow, it makes me feel so good! I can possibly even have a set of my friends - though I don't see that happening too much actually. But whenever someone talks to me for somethin, I get totally excited! :D It's like yayy... he might become my friend! ;) hmm.. still waiting for one though...
So yes, it's a good time out for myself with this MS thing. It's pluses all the way - no much effort, occupies my free time, less fee, no thesis, will get a Masters degree at the end of it, that too in jus a year, have an internship option during MS, an OPT after it's done and also giving me an option to look for jobs in Data Warehousing after it's done.
Thanks for reading.
Friday, May 15, 2009
Actually a part of desi-house-wife gang
So it's been more than a year since I've come to the US but still haven't gone out anywhere alone. All what you are, what you know holds no meaning when you are in a new place with no identity. Anyways so finally - I got set up (with a lot of difficulty) with a group of desi house-wife gals who live a lil' far away in the "little India" of Pitt. Yes, I'm not living in my own country and also not living in the "little" chance of "India" that I have - obviously you should know I don't have any say and it's a worthless argument to even give a start. What will you try and explain to a person who loves his "privacy", doesn't like "Indian" environment and cannot understand/picture how it is to live alone all the while for a whole long year not knowing any other face other than the one living in the same apartment.
So these gals in the little colony of India do live in the "Indian" environment. I wanted to be one of them even though I was not living there. So I worked really hard to get into their group - took me a year! I invited people, cooked for them, entertained them, told them I am very interested in whatever they do as a group, tried hard to remove from their minds what my hubby had put in theirs' (about involving me in their activities), took intiative and showed enthusiasm for any get-togethers, etc. So now, I am a part of the group finally.
Here I dont' want to judge how I feel and what I get to talk or whether I get to talk in the group - I just want some time out for myself on my own!!! That's what I'm aiming for and I'm happy I got it. I sometimes find it strange as they are not as "talkative" as how much a group of gals can be!
I got to spend a whole day out with those gals in a mall and later in a park. To my hubby's and my big surprise, I didn't shop for anything though I visited a big mall and though everyone was desperately buying something or looking for something to get their husbands buy it for them. Well... guess I had my mind clear... I want a time out! That's all about it!
I even found a new friend. All thanks to dear Saras. It's her sister-in-law Krithika!!! Saras did tell me one day that she'll ask her bhabhi to call me. Though I gave her the number, I was not so sure if I'll really get a call coz it's almost no chance when it's someone's bhabhi is to give u a call jus coz shez living in US too. But, I sure did get one and wow, what an amazing feeling. Just to be given a call by a stranger and knowing that they are actually interested in talking to you!
And what a bonus for me - she was an amazing person! Unique like I've not known before. Talented, down-to-earth, frank, innocent, fun, talkative, intelligent and beautiful with a good heart! And the best thing is, she most of the time spoke word-to-word exactly like what I feel about most of the stuff. So I had a great time relating - and of course the base is that both of us found ourselves in a new land as house-wives. But really - you can be sure that most of the house-wives (or all of them that I got to know here) would have been house-wives whether it was in India or here it didn't matter. Hmm, so I could hardly relate to them. But it's nice - to finally get to have some little time on my own in the city which was harsh on me for the whole year - and well ya, people can blame me for saying I have been a lazy dumb ass for sitting at home... well, hmm.... I don't blame them. Guess they are partly right too - though not completely right.
Thanks for reading.
So these gals in the little colony of India do live in the "Indian" environment. I wanted to be one of them even though I was not living there. So I worked really hard to get into their group - took me a year! I invited people, cooked for them, entertained them, told them I am very interested in whatever they do as a group, tried hard to remove from their minds what my hubby had put in theirs' (about involving me in their activities), took intiative and showed enthusiasm for any get-togethers, etc. So now, I am a part of the group finally.
Here I dont' want to judge how I feel and what I get to talk or whether I get to talk in the group - I just want some time out for myself on my own!!! That's what I'm aiming for and I'm happy I got it. I sometimes find it strange as they are not as "talkative" as how much a group of gals can be!
I got to spend a whole day out with those gals in a mall and later in a park. To my hubby's and my big surprise, I didn't shop for anything though I visited a big mall and though everyone was desperately buying something or looking for something to get their husbands buy it for them. Well... guess I had my mind clear... I want a time out! That's all about it!
I even found a new friend. All thanks to dear Saras. It's her sister-in-law Krithika!!! Saras did tell me one day that she'll ask her bhabhi to call me. Though I gave her the number, I was not so sure if I'll really get a call coz it's almost no chance when it's someone's bhabhi is to give u a call jus coz shez living in US too. But, I sure did get one and wow, what an amazing feeling. Just to be given a call by a stranger and knowing that they are actually interested in talking to you!
And what a bonus for me - she was an amazing person! Unique like I've not known before. Talented, down-to-earth, frank, innocent, fun, talkative, intelligent and beautiful with a good heart! And the best thing is, she most of the time spoke word-to-word exactly like what I feel about most of the stuff. So I had a great time relating - and of course the base is that both of us found ourselves in a new land as house-wives. But really - you can be sure that most of the house-wives (or all of them that I got to know here) would have been house-wives whether it was in India or here it didn't matter. Hmm, so I could hardly relate to them. But it's nice - to finally get to have some little time on my own in the city which was harsh on me for the whole year - and well ya, people can blame me for saying I have been a lazy dumb ass for sitting at home... well, hmm.... I don't blame them. Guess they are partly right too - though not completely right.
Thanks for reading.
Friday, May 8, 2009
The Dee of In-Dee-Ya(India) speaks
It has become a challenge for me to appreciate life here. I miss the hustle-bustle of a city, like the kind where I grew up, which is natural to me in a "city." I really *don't know* if there is life existing beyond the four walls of my apartment. Well wait, I can hear the birds chirping and sometimes even see them flying. ah, felt so nice when they came in a few days ago! (When winter comes, everything goes) But I sure do have no clue about any human existence whatsoever! I don't even see a "natural environment" for life here... I'm talking about the sun, damn it!
Can I start my own music inside the four walls...? But oh yes honey, I will turn the volume down and of course there are only "certain days" and "certain time during those days" when it can be turned on... there are some lifeless "people living" around here u know (oh, really??).
Is there any hope when you step out of the building? Ah wellllll... I see the undisturbed flow of cars... driven by a computer? May be, coz reality and life is never smooth, is it?
How about the university you study at? I don't even get an eye-contact with the 50-year old people around me, lot of questions in mind pop up here - is it coz I'm Indian? Is it coz they are in a hurry? Is it coz that's how it is? Or is it coz they are jus zombies...?!! Yes, how do u think humans are here all of a sudden??
It's a BIG wonder to me, how can this place ALWAYS manage to be in extremely gloomy state? There are huge black clouds above my head, no matter when/where/how/why! I'm sure you can imagine how it is to your skin when fire touches you, isn't that extreme heat for a human? Imagine the same thing - but in extreme cold. It is AS firey and killing. HOW can it get SO cold?? It's life's harrassment. It's brutal!!!
The people I came across here - the desis, I'm sure we interact only coz we are desis in pardes. If we were to come across them or they were to come across us in our des, I don't think anyone would even bother. So the relationship based on this criteria... how real could it be? Well, it's as artificial as it can get.
The Americans - well yes, a few I know thru the few my husband knows thru his office. I don't have anything much to say - I see them once every six months... so, D'oh! The others I see are either at the doc's appointment or at a shopping mall or at a restaurant. All these places, I can see it in their faces/behavior that I am a foreigner, or worse, "an Indian" to these "Americans"... and I don't blame them.
Health-wise... I have no clue why in India we think it's all well and nice here. Yes, the most obvious problem - pollution, is missing here. But let me tell you, the extreme weather has adverse affects for anyone here. During the cold times, which is almost the whole year, you can see NO life in whatever form - trees, birds, animals... they just hibernate or migrate! Ah, now, "humans" here don't do that and of course the weather will kill whatever life that's left in spare.
You need to be an "American" to live in "America." If you are an "Indian," then who do you think you are fooling, macha? Pittsburgh is a totally "American" city... it's in fact even rated in the top-most among the most livable cities in the USA. The affordable housing, affordable cost of living, the low crime rate, the nice universities... what else do u need for a family or for the elderly?
But how much sense does it really make for a person like me? Career-oriented? Money-oriented? BS! These words especially don't make sense when I'm talking about a dependent visa, that too during the years when I can be most actively pursuing what I "want to do" in my life. But yes, a marriage has all the answers. It has suddenly given a U-turn to wherever I was going - if I was going somewhere - is still a mystery though.
Whatever your biggest problems - "What do I do with my life?" now have a simple answer "Just keep ur husband and urself happy and if you can do something too with ur education/talent... well, that's great." Now, the sooner you realize that this is the ultimate answer, the better! The problem lies in is it easy to digest the difficult stuff which is now easy?
Well I obviously don't want my husband to read this and start thinking he is the root cause of all the issues... I would say, that's again BS, coz it's me who has made the decision of whatever that is to happen to me. That's his slogun too, so I can share it ;)
Thanks for reading.
Can I start my own music inside the four walls...? But oh yes honey, I will turn the volume down and of course there are only "certain days" and "certain time during those days" when it can be turned on... there are some lifeless "people living" around here u know (oh, really??).
Is there any hope when you step out of the building? Ah wellllll... I see the undisturbed flow of cars... driven by a computer? May be, coz reality and life is never smooth, is it?
How about the university you study at? I don't even get an eye-contact with the 50-year old people around me, lot of questions in mind pop up here - is it coz I'm Indian? Is it coz they are in a hurry? Is it coz that's how it is? Or is it coz they are jus zombies...?!! Yes, how do u think humans are here all of a sudden??
It's a BIG wonder to me, how can this place ALWAYS manage to be in extremely gloomy state? There are huge black clouds above my head, no matter when/where/how/why! I'm sure you can imagine how it is to your skin when fire touches you, isn't that extreme heat for a human? Imagine the same thing - but in extreme cold. It is AS firey and killing. HOW can it get SO cold?? It's life's harrassment. It's brutal!!!
The people I came across here - the desis, I'm sure we interact only coz we are desis in pardes. If we were to come across them or they were to come across us in our des, I don't think anyone would even bother. So the relationship based on this criteria... how real could it be? Well, it's as artificial as it can get.
The Americans - well yes, a few I know thru the few my husband knows thru his office. I don't have anything much to say - I see them once every six months... so, D'oh! The others I see are either at the doc's appointment or at a shopping mall or at a restaurant. All these places, I can see it in their faces/behavior that I am a foreigner, or worse, "an Indian" to these "Americans"... and I don't blame them.
Health-wise... I have no clue why in India we think it's all well and nice here. Yes, the most obvious problem - pollution, is missing here. But let me tell you, the extreme weather has adverse affects for anyone here. During the cold times, which is almost the whole year, you can see NO life in whatever form - trees, birds, animals... they just hibernate or migrate! Ah, now, "humans" here don't do that and of course the weather will kill whatever life that's left in spare.
You need to be an "American" to live in "America." If you are an "Indian," then who do you think you are fooling, macha? Pittsburgh is a totally "American" city... it's in fact even rated in the top-most among the most livable cities in the USA. The affordable housing, affordable cost of living, the low crime rate, the nice universities... what else do u need for a family or for the elderly?
But how much sense does it really make for a person like me? Career-oriented? Money-oriented? BS! These words especially don't make sense when I'm talking about a dependent visa, that too during the years when I can be most actively pursuing what I "want to do" in my life. But yes, a marriage has all the answers. It has suddenly given a U-turn to wherever I was going - if I was going somewhere - is still a mystery though.
Whatever your biggest problems - "What do I do with my life?" now have a simple answer "Just keep ur husband and urself happy and if you can do something too with ur education/talent... well, that's great." Now, the sooner you realize that this is the ultimate answer, the better! The problem lies in is it easy to digest the difficult stuff which is now easy?
Well I obviously don't want my husband to read this and start thinking he is the root cause of all the issues... I would say, that's again BS, coz it's me who has made the decision of whatever that is to happen to me. That's his slogun too, so I can share it ;)
Thanks for reading.
What's all this fuss about the USA??
So why do most people come to the United States of America? I really don't know much, but there are a few things I've come to realize during my stay here, only some of it may be true.
We Indians come here coz we didn't find an immediate job or value for the education we had in our lives so far. Like we always know grass is always greener on the other side, and better if its far, far away and in the world's most powerful country and which is open to people coming in on visas.
Then, other people who migrate here are the ones who believe this is the "land of opportunities" and well, they do utilise the opportunities they come across... may be start their own company and reach their career goals. And yes, people with talent can at some point of time, get a recognition.
Some others are here to get enoughUSD in their bank and push up their standard of living back in their mother land.
Many other people are here, just going with the flow... lots of friends, relatives give them a bright picture of a bright future and so this is the place to be!
And then of course there are many others who keep wondering, not knowing what the hell they are doing so far away from their family and country, not liking the way the United States treats them but still holding on coz "they can't go back" or "waiting for the day of freedom from a visa."
And then, there is a whole lot along with any type of people who come here as dependents, for example, me! Some of my kind come here and love this place, love this peace and love the people (? though they may not talk to any American in their lifetime) and just stay like that... lovely and giving love to their husbands, having lovely kids and so on...
There are other girls who not knowing what to do, start studying, wandering around, wondering and waiting for something to happen.
Most of this kind of course end up cooking and potlucking, worshipping the good Gods and celebrating any festival and not putting any miles in their car after they buy a "brand new one" but of course those are the photos we show off :)
(Well seriously, these few words about each type of people talks everything of the life here, life here is that simple and not happening.)
There are some people I know, even after 30 years of "happy life" in US, don't want to live here and always want to go back to where they were born. And there are other women I know who are totally depressed, have health issues, lost all their hair and beauty but are bonded to the USA coz of their husbands and their passion for work.
There are others who show extreme talent and the USA suddenly becomes the right place in the world for them. People living in California, feel so close to home (India) and don't find any reason why they should look back.
Life here is much tougher than we think, because firstly we need to find our own place, get accustomed, transform and become like the people here, get used to the unfriendly silence and unnatural environment (there is nothing tropical/Indian about this weather!) and then of course the rules, regulations for everything imaginable... there is nothing out of place or random, which ah, Indians need to work on everyday of life here!
So what's all this fuss about the USA?? I'm not sure if it being a land of dreams is enough to sacrifice the Indian in me. You cannot live in AMERICA if you are an INDIAN! You need to be an AMERICAN to live in AMERICA right??
Thanks for reading.
We Indians come here coz we didn't find an immediate job or value for the education we had in our lives so far. Like we always know grass is always greener on the other side, and better if its far, far away and in the world's most powerful country and which is open to people coming in on visas.
Then, other people who migrate here are the ones who believe this is the "land of opportunities" and well, they do utilise the opportunities they come across... may be start their own company and reach their career goals. And yes, people with talent can at some point of time, get a recognition.
Some others are here to get enoughUSD in their bank and push up their standard of living back in their mother land.
Many other people are here, just going with the flow... lots of friends, relatives give them a bright picture of a bright future and so this is the place to be!
And then of course there are many others who keep wondering, not knowing what the hell they are doing so far away from their family and country, not liking the way the United States treats them but still holding on coz "they can't go back" or "waiting for the day of freedom from a visa."
And then, there is a whole lot along with any type of people who come here as dependents, for example, me! Some of my kind come here and love this place, love this peace and love the people (? though they may not talk to any American in their lifetime) and just stay like that... lovely and giving love to their husbands, having lovely kids and so on...
There are other girls who not knowing what to do, start studying, wandering around, wondering and waiting for something to happen.
Most of this kind of course end up cooking and potlucking, worshipping the good Gods and celebrating any festival and not putting any miles in their car after they buy a "brand new one" but of course those are the photos we show off :)
(Well seriously, these few words about each type of people talks everything of the life here, life here is that simple and not happening.)
There are some people I know, even after 30 years of "happy life" in US, don't want to live here and always want to go back to where they were born. And there are other women I know who are totally depressed, have health issues, lost all their hair and beauty but are bonded to the USA coz of their husbands and their passion for work.
There are others who show extreme talent and the USA suddenly becomes the right place in the world for them. People living in California, feel so close to home (India) and don't find any reason why they should look back.
Life here is much tougher than we think, because firstly we need to find our own place, get accustomed, transform and become like the people here, get used to the unfriendly silence and unnatural environment (there is nothing tropical/Indian about this weather!) and then of course the rules, regulations for everything imaginable... there is nothing out of place or random, which ah, Indians need to work on everyday of life here!
So what's all this fuss about the USA?? I'm not sure if it being a land of dreams is enough to sacrifice the Indian in me. You cannot live in AMERICA if you are an INDIAN! You need to be an AMERICAN to live in AMERICA right??
Thanks for reading.
Thursday, December 4, 2008
Tick, tick goes the clock; click, click goes the mouse.
A computer connected to the net has all the power in the world to suck u in. It can take you to whichever place u want, whatever u want to know, whatever u want to do, what u want to do with ur life, what u want to waste ur time on. Everything a person can possibly imagine - a computer is there in front of u ready with it.
is more addictive than a Television. Gone are the days when ppl used to be glued to their TVs. It's the internet now!!! A PC is a TV and more.
Yes, I know it's a fact since several years and I should have told it 8 years ago... but now I am experiencing it more than ever. It is not just about keeping in touch with your friends and wikipedia, it's also about online shopping and online TV. It's not a matter of worry at all if u don't have Indian channels in ur cable or if u missed any episode - it's all there on the net.
It was even in the news recently that the minds of people are changing and people are having less of social skills now. The mind of a person supposedly gets into a lot of neural activity when on google compared to a person who is watching a movie. We might even get genetically advanced.
But well, it's just getting on my nerves now. If you want to know something or buy something, the internet I believe wastes a person's time 10 times more than not using it. Because you just don't stop at what info you get - you check for ten different related and 10 different unrelated things and then also check the authenticity of all those things. If u are shopping online, u open at least 10 tabs in ur browser with 10 different auctions or sellers. Then u start looking into them one by one and finally you find the cheapest deal. Now in order to make sure it's the best one too, u read the reviews of the seller, reviews of this particular version of the product, the previous version reviews and then the reviews of the reviewer and then the rating of the reviewer. If u feel its not the best u could get, then u go to the different tab. All the things that happen repeat themselves. It just goes on and on... and then one fine day u decide to go and see the product in store yourself and there it is - all the views thru reviews that u had shatter as they jus dont' match what u actually see at the store. You come back home and keep clicking ur mouse for more and more options for that single thing u wanna buy. One day you get a discount coupon and finally what happens is, u go to the store and buy it! And there is never a sign of disgruntle at the amount of time you wasted - jus coz u were on the net researching.
What a whole lot of waste of time it really does without our knowledge! Most people get to the stage where even when they wanna buy a pair of socks, they will research online for days - because they think the best deals are worth searching for - but actually it is just an addiction!
A television can bore you sometimes, you might get irritated that there's no good show and switch it off. A book can also bore you sometimes, if the story is going nowhere and all what's in there is getting predictible. Cooking, working, watching movies, listening to music, gymming, hanging out- everything can become a drag at some point. But internet is that magical thing that can never get u bored. It can keep a jobless person occupied for days together seamlessly. It can even make a person with a job the busiest man ever, coz now after work, there is internet to occupy his brain. I sometimes even think software engineers seem to be the busiest people - either at job or at leisure, they are always with a PC and appear to be working!! It's this infatuation with a PC setting in without anyone's knowledge that I am scared of. My friend once joked, I just go on clicking but till date I have not yet reached "the last page of the internet!"
Thanks for reading.
is more addictive than a Television. Gone are the days when ppl used to be glued to their TVs. It's the internet now!!! A PC is a TV and more.
Yes, I know it's a fact since several years and I should have told it 8 years ago... but now I am experiencing it more than ever. It is not just about keeping in touch with your friends and wikipedia, it's also about online shopping and online TV. It's not a matter of worry at all if u don't have Indian channels in ur cable or if u missed any episode - it's all there on the net.
It was even in the news recently that the minds of people are changing and people are having less of social skills now. The mind of a person supposedly gets into a lot of neural activity when on google compared to a person who is watching a movie. We might even get genetically advanced.
But well, it's just getting on my nerves now. If you want to know something or buy something, the internet I believe wastes a person's time 10 times more than not using it. Because you just don't stop at what info you get - you check for ten different related and 10 different unrelated things and then also check the authenticity of all those things. If u are shopping online, u open at least 10 tabs in ur browser with 10 different auctions or sellers. Then u start looking into them one by one and finally you find the cheapest deal. Now in order to make sure it's the best one too, u read the reviews of the seller, reviews of this particular version of the product, the previous version reviews and then the reviews of the reviewer and then the rating of the reviewer. If u feel its not the best u could get, then u go to the different tab. All the things that happen repeat themselves. It just goes on and on... and then one fine day u decide to go and see the product in store yourself and there it is - all the views thru reviews that u had shatter as they jus dont' match what u actually see at the store. You come back home and keep clicking ur mouse for more and more options for that single thing u wanna buy. One day you get a discount coupon and finally what happens is, u go to the store and buy it! And there is never a sign of disgruntle at the amount of time you wasted - jus coz u were on the net researching.
What a whole lot of waste of time it really does without our knowledge! Most people get to the stage where even when they wanna buy a pair of socks, they will research online for days - because they think the best deals are worth searching for - but actually it is just an addiction!
A television can bore you sometimes, you might get irritated that there's no good show and switch it off. A book can also bore you sometimes, if the story is going nowhere and all what's in there is getting predictible. Cooking, working, watching movies, listening to music, gymming, hanging out- everything can become a drag at some point. But internet is that magical thing that can never get u bored. It can keep a jobless person occupied for days together seamlessly. It can even make a person with a job the busiest man ever, coz now after work, there is internet to occupy his brain. I sometimes even think software engineers seem to be the busiest people - either at job or at leisure, they are always with a PC and appear to be working!! It's this infatuation with a PC setting in without anyone's knowledge that I am scared of. My friend once joked, I just go on clicking but till date I have not yet reached "the last page of the internet!"
Thanks for reading.
Saturday, November 29, 2008
A free change with everything that is new
Starting a new life with a new person and at a place far away from "home" has sometimes forced me to shut my brain down. Well yes of course its not that I have an active life and my that my brain is busy (it's shut down most of the times, yes)... but all the emotions related to "why am I so alone?" when the only person you are living with is not all what you are like or what you would expect him to be like (of course, anyone not you is someone not you), need to be locked tight in a ziploc and frozen(haha, the house-wife slang)... I don't want them to affect my behavior and I also don't want them to be forgotten.
As days pass by, I see myself changing. I see myself changing in a way which lubricates the forward gear of the new relationship. I do the dishes with no complaints now. I do a lot of cooking too. Cleaning up the mess everyday - well, I am yet to learn. Watching the fav shows of my husband on tv and getting used to them so much that I myself want to see them... like the news, sports, stand-up comedies, sitcoms, history, science, etc. And thinking ten times before I spend a penny is the biggest thing I have learnt. Going on for days without any of those long talks that I was used to doing all my life... is also a big change. I do talk to my mom almost everyday to start chats but I soon do realize getting into details only gets you free advice which is unwelcome most of the times! (it's a new family you are starting and you want to make ur own rules for it, right?) :D
Recently when I met the same set of ppl that I met when I was new to Pitt, I had a totally different feeling towards them this time compared to the first. Months ago, I couldn't relate to them, I used to go mad at how stupid/dumb/silly/boring/lazy they are but now, I am one of them... I did laugh at the stupid joke of a guy making dal and hence there's always a bad smell of 'gas' in their house. I don't know what the heck it means, but yes I was laughing away jus like everyone in the crowd. 15 ppl laughed on that single sentence for 5 min. Damn, what a change in company that I used to have and now what I get here!!! The changes do seem to set in, slowly but surely.
Setting up a house here also has it's own hurdles. It is never known how long you are living in the city and also in the apartment. So the more you make ur apartment cozy and home-like, the more the expenses and also the burden of carrying them to a new place. So going for shopping to places like Ikea, Bed Bath and Beyond is like a torture... you want to buy all those nice things and set up a comfy place for urself but you jus don't wanna spend so much money on a place which is probably just temporary! Buying winter clothes also has the same issue... what if you move to South or West where there is no snow at all - all the 100s of $ you spent on them is now just a waste! It's so difficult to live first of all to start living in a new country, start a new home and then the issues of temporary living complicates it all up.
Almost all my life it's been an easy cash flow for me whenever I wanted to buy things. This, that - doesn't matter what. Esp since when my bro started earning, things got so simpler at the shopping front. And then the one and half year I was working at Infy, I even had five different sources for cash!!! (Mom, Dad, Bro, Bhabhi and I) But gosh, now the situation is so different - it's not only the problem of a single person earning for two ppl to live in a luxurious country but it's also about me learning to handle the 'finance' branch of my new home with a responsibility now! Mama always says that it's all in the hands of the woman of a home to set the direction for buying, spending, consuming things and the efficiency.
Moving to this country has also deprived me of having a job. I definitely didn't enjoy the exclusive "house-wife" role which came free with it. My desperation to go out and occupy my idle brain, which in-turn comes free with the role of house-wife, has got me yielded to do further studies, which I have been so adamant not to get into it all these years. Yes of course I know what you are thinking - that if you had the free time like me, you would want to do 1000 different things, everything u ever wanted to do. I can't think of any good excuse or any good reason as to why I haven't utilized my time - I could just talk about not knowing anyone here (absolutely nobody), being dependent for everything like moving around, money, information (Partha will never ever let me drive alone). Even with all these restrictions, I still surely could have read books, blog, learn guitar, do painting, crafts, cook, watch movies, etc. There is no reason why in the world I would not do these things - and yes, I have done them but I could have done a LOT better!!! I really, just really don't know what brought in this slack - the best I can say is that the "marriage" has kept me a lil' occupied! ;) (more on that later)
Whether you want it or not, life keeps changing it's course and demands you to change along with it. Any lack of response would hit you hard. The sooner, the better. Believe it or not, but sometimes when the topic of having kids comes up, I am not startled or lost! Now you know that I realize I am changing...
Thanks for reading.
As days pass by, I see myself changing. I see myself changing in a way which lubricates the forward gear of the new relationship. I do the dishes with no complaints now. I do a lot of cooking too. Cleaning up the mess everyday - well, I am yet to learn. Watching the fav shows of my husband on tv and getting used to them so much that I myself want to see them... like the news, sports, stand-up comedies, sitcoms, history, science, etc. And thinking ten times before I spend a penny is the biggest thing I have learnt. Going on for days without any of those long talks that I was used to doing all my life... is also a big change. I do talk to my mom almost everyday to start chats but I soon do realize getting into details only gets you free advice which is unwelcome most of the times! (it's a new family you are starting and you want to make ur own rules for it, right?) :D
Recently when I met the same set of ppl that I met when I was new to Pitt, I had a totally different feeling towards them this time compared to the first. Months ago, I couldn't relate to them, I used to go mad at how stupid/dumb/silly/boring/lazy they are but now, I am one of them... I did laugh at the stupid joke of a guy making dal and hence there's always a bad smell of 'gas' in their house. I don't know what the heck it means, but yes I was laughing away jus like everyone in the crowd. 15 ppl laughed on that single sentence for 5 min. Damn, what a change in company that I used to have and now what I get here!!! The changes do seem to set in, slowly but surely.
Setting up a house here also has it's own hurdles. It is never known how long you are living in the city and also in the apartment. So the more you make ur apartment cozy and home-like, the more the expenses and also the burden of carrying them to a new place. So going for shopping to places like Ikea, Bed Bath and Beyond is like a torture... you want to buy all those nice things and set up a comfy place for urself but you jus don't wanna spend so much money on a place which is probably just temporary! Buying winter clothes also has the same issue... what if you move to South or West where there is no snow at all - all the 100s of $ you spent on them is now just a waste! It's so difficult to live first of all to start living in a new country, start a new home and then the issues of temporary living complicates it all up.
Almost all my life it's been an easy cash flow for me whenever I wanted to buy things. This, that - doesn't matter what. Esp since when my bro started earning, things got so simpler at the shopping front. And then the one and half year I was working at Infy, I even had five different sources for cash!!! (Mom, Dad, Bro, Bhabhi and I) But gosh, now the situation is so different - it's not only the problem of a single person earning for two ppl to live in a luxurious country but it's also about me learning to handle the 'finance' branch of my new home with a responsibility now! Mama always says that it's all in the hands of the woman of a home to set the direction for buying, spending, consuming things and the efficiency.
Moving to this country has also deprived me of having a job. I definitely didn't enjoy the exclusive "house-wife" role which came free with it. My desperation to go out and occupy my idle brain, which in-turn comes free with the role of house-wife, has got me yielded to do further studies, which I have been so adamant not to get into it all these years. Yes of course I know what you are thinking - that if you had the free time like me, you would want to do 1000 different things, everything u ever wanted to do. I can't think of any good excuse or any good reason as to why I haven't utilized my time - I could just talk about not knowing anyone here (absolutely nobody), being dependent for everything like moving around, money, information (Partha will never ever let me drive alone). Even with all these restrictions, I still surely could have read books, blog, learn guitar, do painting, crafts, cook, watch movies, etc. There is no reason why in the world I would not do these things - and yes, I have done them but I could have done a LOT better!!! I really, just really don't know what brought in this slack - the best I can say is that the "marriage" has kept me a lil' occupied! ;) (more on that later)
Whether you want it or not, life keeps changing it's course and demands you to change along with it. Any lack of response would hit you hard. The sooner, the better. Believe it or not, but sometimes when the topic of having kids comes up, I am not startled or lost! Now you know that I realize I am changing...
Thanks for reading.
Friday, October 31, 2008
Moving... but will there be change?
We are presently living in a single bedroom apartment on 4th floor. There are not many Indians living in these apartments and the ones who are here are a family with 2-3 kids, so there's no one here I can relate to. There's just no possibility of gossip or talks or sharing food or get togethers... its just all by myself or with Partha.
Though this building has around 250 apartments, believe it or not - I just don't come across anyone when I am in the corridor or elevator. And if I come across someone, it'll be an old woman or an old man walking slowly on their way to the car or to their apartment. All day long I sit on the sofa next to a window and till date I haven't seen anyone using their balcony or even standing near the window. It is just so strange, I can't believe it! Yes, I know the weather is extreme sometimes but what the heck, why don't these Americans use their outdoor space? At least the balcony, come on! During summer, there were these three months when I would find around 10 ppl or so sun-bathing near the swimming pool during the day time. That's it - there is no sight of people otherwise. Not even when I am on road - there are absolutely no pedestrians... its just cars zooming around, sometimes I even feel the car is just going by itself with no one driving it! It's that silent and deserted everywhere!
Ok, I've been going on a tangent... here I was to talk about our moving to another apartment in this building. Our move comprises of a tiny change - a balcony. We finalised on this move around 4 months ago. What change would this move bring in our living is still a doubt! But there are a few things for me - a dish tv, an approval by Partha for further decors in the house and a balcony (the balcony can be put to use only for having the dish antenna and some extra light in the living room and for deco purpose by having a nice curtain... I don't see when we can actually stand there - not just because of the freezing temperatures now, but also because of the reason that nobody here ever hangs out there!). And then the arranging thing that'll happen for the next few days which'll keep a jobless house-wife occupied. The dish tv i'm hoping will surely also bring in some timepass for me... all these days, though we have a really good tv, I never watched it. It is mainly coz there are no good channels and then, because its a HDTV (high-def TV) the normal cable gives a bad quality picture. Partha was also very unwilling to change it to a digital cable - and so it just remained like that. But now with the dish, I'll have some Indian channels (MTV, Star One, NDTV) to watch and also a whole lot of HD channels with an additional feature of "DVR" through which you can record your shows minus the ads and later watch them whenever u have the time! Amazing, right?
So that is what'll be the change - which probably will feel good for a month or so I guess coz it'll keep me occupied... beyond that period, I'm not sure if it'll effect us. There are some apartments here nearby which is the "little India" here in Pitt. Driving thru that place itself feels like u are in ur Indian community... u'll see ppl strolling on the road, ppl talking in groups, kids generally playing and running, house-wives playing shuttle in tennis courts, cars parked wherever at owner's convenience, etc! Everytime I go there, I feel I should move to an apartment there... but sadly I was not able to persuade Partha. All the things that I like abt Indians living there... Partha just doesn't like them, esp the things I mentioned above. Partha is too "American-ized" for that. And also, those apartments are a bit more costly compared to here. But Partha does mention one strong point abt that place - most of the Indians living there are the ones who come to Pitt for a short stay, a couple of years or so... and so he says, they are the kind to whom we cannot relate to... as they live like they are in India, for example - sticking to the Indian variety of veggies, food, restaurants, clothes, having only Indian group of friends, watching only Indian movies, talking only their native language, etc. Most of these ppl also will have wives who live at home... Hmm, all these things don't sound all that bad. Knowing at least someone, even one among the whole thousands of Indians, is I feel better than living at a place where there is absolutely nobody! Hmm, as of now, I would want to believe Partha when he says I cannot relate to the ppl in "little India" of Pitt... it might turn out for our own good - the "change" we are moving for.
Thanks for reading.
Though this building has around 250 apartments, believe it or not - I just don't come across anyone when I am in the corridor or elevator. And if I come across someone, it'll be an old woman or an old man walking slowly on their way to the car or to their apartment. All day long I sit on the sofa next to a window and till date I haven't seen anyone using their balcony or even standing near the window. It is just so strange, I can't believe it! Yes, I know the weather is extreme sometimes but what the heck, why don't these Americans use their outdoor space? At least the balcony, come on! During summer, there were these three months when I would find around 10 ppl or so sun-bathing near the swimming pool during the day time. That's it - there is no sight of people otherwise. Not even when I am on road - there are absolutely no pedestrians... its just cars zooming around, sometimes I even feel the car is just going by itself with no one driving it! It's that silent and deserted everywhere!
Ok, I've been going on a tangent... here I was to talk about our moving to another apartment in this building. Our move comprises of a tiny change - a balcony. We finalised on this move around 4 months ago. What change would this move bring in our living is still a doubt! But there are a few things for me - a dish tv, an approval by Partha for further decors in the house and a balcony (the balcony can be put to use only for having the dish antenna and some extra light in the living room and for deco purpose by having a nice curtain... I don't see when we can actually stand there - not just because of the freezing temperatures now, but also because of the reason that nobody here ever hangs out there!). And then the arranging thing that'll happen for the next few days which'll keep a jobless house-wife occupied. The dish tv i'm hoping will surely also bring in some timepass for me... all these days, though we have a really good tv, I never watched it. It is mainly coz there are no good channels and then, because its a HDTV (high-def TV) the normal cable gives a bad quality picture. Partha was also very unwilling to change it to a digital cable - and so it just remained like that. But now with the dish, I'll have some Indian channels (MTV, Star One, NDTV) to watch and also a whole lot of HD channels with an additional feature of "DVR" through which you can record your shows minus the ads and later watch them whenever u have the time! Amazing, right?
So that is what'll be the change - which probably will feel good for a month or so I guess coz it'll keep me occupied... beyond that period, I'm not sure if it'll effect us. There are some apartments here nearby which is the "little India" here in Pitt. Driving thru that place itself feels like u are in ur Indian community... u'll see ppl strolling on the road, ppl talking in groups, kids generally playing and running, house-wives playing shuttle in tennis courts, cars parked wherever at owner's convenience, etc! Everytime I go there, I feel I should move to an apartment there... but sadly I was not able to persuade Partha. All the things that I like abt Indians living there... Partha just doesn't like them, esp the things I mentioned above. Partha is too "American-ized" for that. And also, those apartments are a bit more costly compared to here. But Partha does mention one strong point abt that place - most of the Indians living there are the ones who come to Pitt for a short stay, a couple of years or so... and so he says, they are the kind to whom we cannot relate to... as they live like they are in India, for example - sticking to the Indian variety of veggies, food, restaurants, clothes, having only Indian group of friends, watching only Indian movies, talking only their native language, etc. Most of these ppl also will have wives who live at home... Hmm, all these things don't sound all that bad. Knowing at least someone, even one among the whole thousands of Indians, is I feel better than living at a place where there is absolutely nobody! Hmm, as of now, I would want to believe Partha when he says I cannot relate to the ppl in "little India" of Pitt... it might turn out for our own good - the "change" we are moving for.
Thanks for reading.
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Living with mom - in my mind.
It's been really an experience going through all the changes that happened suddenly in my life. The major change other than marriage is living far away from my mom and bro. All my life I've always spent with mom or bro on my side, to see them after I go back home.. except for the evil one year that kept me away from them in Mysore. The one year was tough for me even though I had long calls daily and also frequent visits. But now... there is nothing like a frequent visit :(
This probably by now, considering how much I am attached to them, should have had its toll on me. But surprisingly - it doesn't. It still feels fine. I still feel I can go on for long. It might be coz of the new never-ending love that I have in my life... but as they say - nothing can replace a relationship and the attachment - not even another relationship.
I am starting to feel and believe that I still feel strong coz of the dreams that I have in my sleep. I dream a lot... not just in my sleep but also during the day! Each and every single dream that I have in my sleep is always revolving around my mom, my bro and my gang of six friends. The dreams I have are sometimes so strong that they influence me during the day... and it has happened more than once that I address the guy next to me as "annayya" - and he gives me one on the head (Partha) :D Also, all through out the day whatever I do, I hear my mom's voice in the background - asking me to do this and that and telling me what's right and wrong. I sometimes even feel she is inside me and I'm working like her.
It is may be because of this strong bond that I have developed since all these years with mom and bro that now, because of the support that I have, I feel distance is not an issue any longer. I'm pretty positive about this so far and it's already been a good enuf time. Well, but of course I surely dont' say that I don't miss them... I even go crazy sometimes! But soon I also do realize I have to get used to living like this and that - there is nothing wrong in it. I still do have long conversations on phone with mom - averaging an hour daily! I'm also on my way to cut it short, as I have realized that the more I talk the more I am coming up with problems and complaints and assumptions about things that are and things that are not. It can unknowingly happen because moms give us these patient ears and a supporting voice - esp when her daughter is far away and is experiencing a new way of life. So u just can go on with ur "this is what is happening, this is how I feel, is this not how it should be...?" stuff and moms will always give a reproductive response so that u can go on talking and she will make u feel there is always someone who will listen!
So, living with mom and bro in my mind, I'm still strong and I am starting to believe "paroksha prema" has an upper hand over "pratyaksha prema," distance does make a relationship grow, when in love.
Thanks for reading.
This probably by now, considering how much I am attached to them, should have had its toll on me. But surprisingly - it doesn't. It still feels fine. I still feel I can go on for long. It might be coz of the new never-ending love that I have in my life... but as they say - nothing can replace a relationship and the attachment - not even another relationship.
I am starting to feel and believe that I still feel strong coz of the dreams that I have in my sleep. I dream a lot... not just in my sleep but also during the day! Each and every single dream that I have in my sleep is always revolving around my mom, my bro and my gang of six friends. The dreams I have are sometimes so strong that they influence me during the day... and it has happened more than once that I address the guy next to me as "annayya" - and he gives me one on the head (Partha) :D Also, all through out the day whatever I do, I hear my mom's voice in the background - asking me to do this and that and telling me what's right and wrong. I sometimes even feel she is inside me and I'm working like her.
It is may be because of this strong bond that I have developed since all these years with mom and bro that now, because of the support that I have, I feel distance is not an issue any longer. I'm pretty positive about this so far and it's already been a good enuf time. Well, but of course I surely dont' say that I don't miss them... I even go crazy sometimes! But soon I also do realize I have to get used to living like this and that - there is nothing wrong in it. I still do have long conversations on phone with mom - averaging an hour daily! I'm also on my way to cut it short, as I have realized that the more I talk the more I am coming up with problems and complaints and assumptions about things that are and things that are not. It can unknowingly happen because moms give us these patient ears and a supporting voice - esp when her daughter is far away and is experiencing a new way of life. So u just can go on with ur "this is what is happening, this is how I feel, is this not how it should be...?" stuff and moms will always give a reproductive response so that u can go on talking and she will make u feel there is always someone who will listen!
So, living with mom and bro in my mind, I'm still strong and I am starting to believe "paroksha prema" has an upper hand over "pratyaksha prema," distance does make a relationship grow, when in love.
Thanks for reading.
"Sillunu Oru Kadhal"
This is a really nicely made Tamil movie which released around 2 yrs ago. The first time I came across this movie is when I saw the song "Munbe va yen anbe va..." on tv and I just got glued to the screen without knowing! The song is so well made. Then I suddenly had this urge to watch this movie with yet another point that it stars Surya and Jyothika, music by AR Rahman. But unfortunately all my Tamil friends had watched it and it had already become an old movie for them. Slowly I jus forgot abt the movie...
After 2 yrs, comes in Saras! Few weeks ago she had come to Pittsburgh for a vacation and we planned to watch a Tamil movie and I asked her to suggest any random, good movie. I was just more than surprised n excited when we were watching the movie then... coz it was the one with the song "Munbe va..!" :-) :-)
I always had fascination towards Tamil. Majority of my crushes were Tamilians. My first crush was a Tamilian and so was my last one. My favorite actor is Vikram, who is also a Tamilian. I'm also going to exaggerate this by also saying that all Tamilians look handsome - esp if they have dark skin!
Whenever I hear Tamil being spoken by someone, I just lend both my ears to the language and I simply love it! This language has some cool factor to it. Also, all Tamilians have one thing widely in common - they speak pure Tamil. They don't let any other words enter into their speech, be it numbers, days of week, relations, food... I haven't seen any other language being spoken with so much seriousness.
Its sad that I can't speak Tamil... forget speaking, I don't even understand it. May be now since I have all the time in the world, I shud search online for some learning. Sounds great machi! :D
Here is the video of the melodious song, its like a fantasy love story for the fascination that I have towards Tamil: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T5ltsYpPJv0
Thanks for reading.
After 2 yrs, comes in Saras! Few weeks ago she had come to Pittsburgh for a vacation and we planned to watch a Tamil movie and I asked her to suggest any random, good movie. I was just more than surprised n excited when we were watching the movie then... coz it was the one with the song "Munbe va..!" :-) :-)
I always had fascination towards Tamil. Majority of my crushes were Tamilians. My first crush was a Tamilian and so was my last one. My favorite actor is Vikram, who is also a Tamilian. I'm also going to exaggerate this by also saying that all Tamilians look handsome - esp if they have dark skin!
Whenever I hear Tamil being spoken by someone, I just lend both my ears to the language and I simply love it! This language has some cool factor to it. Also, all Tamilians have one thing widely in common - they speak pure Tamil. They don't let any other words enter into their speech, be it numbers, days of week, relations, food... I haven't seen any other language being spoken with so much seriousness.
Its sad that I can't speak Tamil... forget speaking, I don't even understand it. May be now since I have all the time in the world, I shud search online for some learning. Sounds great machi! :D
Here is the video of the melodious song, its like a fantasy love story for the fascination that I have towards Tamil: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T5ltsYpPJv0
Thanks for reading.
Zeroth
I'm starting with nothing to write about, a post with zero content and hence zeroth post :D The reason for this is that funnily I have lot of things to write about but I have no clue what do I start writing about? Do I write about what happened in my life after the last post that I've made in my prev blog? That would take ages n ages to write coz there is so much! And... I don't want to get into the past and look at how my life was and how it changed and blabber about my experiences... coz if u know what I'm talking about... if u know what happened, u wud sure agree when I say it would be a never-ending post. A short glimpse and u know what i'm talkin about!
Bad experiences during my job at Mysore, me shifting to Hyd and then fighting for transfer telling all sorts of lies, getting insane with life as nothing was happening and when things started happening - getting insane at the fast pace things were happening, my engagement, the wedding preparations, me leaving my job, my marriage and me moving to US as a house-wife! O what a twist...! To less than a year ago if I peep into my life and then see where I am now, I know what a U-turn my life has made!
Surely, when things are happening without ur control and when u don't understand how they came by... things are happening for good!
I still don't get any concrete thoughts about anything so that I can write something!! The only thing in my mind right now is... Partha's love! :-)
I have to say that it is difficult esp when u are in an arranged marriage when it comes to start liking each other but after it has set in, I jus can't take my mind off it... i'm jus basking peacefully in the love!
Life after I've come to US has demanded me to become a house-wife... I can't say I've completely transformed into one though! All I have to do daily, the only goal that I have is - preparing food n taking care of the house - which is no big deal at all! But somehow I don't get a hang of these jobs even after so many months. Even now I still feel my mom is gonna cook for me and feed me too! haha.. nice try huh! But well sometimes, I do get into cooking seriously... I take it seriously that I have to make good, tasty, healthy food and a well packed lunch for Partha. I'm happy to see my progress from reluctant to cook something for the day to some interest and patience in cooking... and I have to say that cooking is not all that bad. I feel it is only the cleaning, washing which comes along with it that makes it a boring job.
My typical day starts with me getting up from bed and going straight to kitchen for making breakfast and packing lunch for Partha and then again I hit the bed :D I get up at arnd 10:30, have breakfast and get ready for phone calls by 11:30. These calls go on till 1:30-2pm. Then I reply to mails, read recipies online to get ready for cooking by 3 or 4. If I start my cooking at 4, its already way too late... I cannot complete it by the time Partha is back home. Partha is home by 6:30 and we have our dinner at 7. Watch TV, talk, fight, love and that's it... my day is done! If we have any groceries to buy, any shopping to do.. then there is no tv, talking/fighting.. all the time we have with each other is gone with it. Hmm, that constitutes my day.
I'm sure this post is so much unlike me... it's may be coz I've changed? But well i'm sure i'm getting back with something interesting to write... so watch this space.
Thanks for reading.
Bad experiences during my job at Mysore, me shifting to Hyd and then fighting for transfer telling all sorts of lies, getting insane with life as nothing was happening and when things started happening - getting insane at the fast pace things were happening, my engagement, the wedding preparations, me leaving my job, my marriage and me moving to US as a house-wife! O what a twist...! To less than a year ago if I peep into my life and then see where I am now, I know what a U-turn my life has made!
Surely, when things are happening without ur control and when u don't understand how they came by... things are happening for good!
I still don't get any concrete thoughts about anything so that I can write something!! The only thing in my mind right now is... Partha's love! :-)
I have to say that it is difficult esp when u are in an arranged marriage when it comes to start liking each other but after it has set in, I jus can't take my mind off it... i'm jus basking peacefully in the love!
Life after I've come to US has demanded me to become a house-wife... I can't say I've completely transformed into one though! All I have to do daily, the only goal that I have is - preparing food n taking care of the house - which is no big deal at all! But somehow I don't get a hang of these jobs even after so many months. Even now I still feel my mom is gonna cook for me and feed me too! haha.. nice try huh! But well sometimes, I do get into cooking seriously... I take it seriously that I have to make good, tasty, healthy food and a well packed lunch for Partha. I'm happy to see my progress from reluctant to cook something for the day to some interest and patience in cooking... and I have to say that cooking is not all that bad. I feel it is only the cleaning, washing which comes along with it that makes it a boring job.
My typical day starts with me getting up from bed and going straight to kitchen for making breakfast and packing lunch for Partha and then again I hit the bed :D I get up at arnd 10:30, have breakfast and get ready for phone calls by 11:30. These calls go on till 1:30-2pm. Then I reply to mails, read recipies online to get ready for cooking by 3 or 4. If I start my cooking at 4, its already way too late... I cannot complete it by the time Partha is back home. Partha is home by 6:30 and we have our dinner at 7. Watch TV, talk, fight, love and that's it... my day is done! If we have any groceries to buy, any shopping to do.. then there is no tv, talking/fighting.. all the time we have with each other is gone with it. Hmm, that constitutes my day.
I'm sure this post is so much unlike me... it's may be coz I've changed? But well i'm sure i'm getting back with something interesting to write... so watch this space.
Thanks for reading.
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