The Dee of In-Dee-Ya(India) speaks

It has become a challenge for me to appreciate life here. I miss the hustle-bustle of a city, like the kind where I grew up, which is natural to me in a "city." I really *don't know* if there is life existing beyond the four walls of my apartment. Well wait, I can hear the birds chirping and sometimes even see them flying. ah, felt so nice when they came in a few days ago! (When winter comes, everything goes) But I sure do have no clue about any human existence whatsoever! I don't even see a "natural environment" for life here... I'm talking about the sun, damn it!
Can I start my own music inside the four walls...? But oh yes honey, I will turn the volume down and of course there are only "certain days" and "certain time during those days" when it can be turned on... there are some lifeless "people living" around here u know (oh, really??).
Is there any hope when you step out of the building? Ah wellllll... I see the undisturbed flow of cars... driven by a computer? May be, coz reality and life is never smooth, is it?
How about the university you study at? I don't even get an eye-contact with the 50-year old people around me, lot of questions in mind pop up here - is it coz I'm Indian? Is it coz they are in a hurry? Is it coz that's how it is? Or is it coz they are jus zombies...?!! Yes, how do u think humans are here all of a sudden??
It's a BIG wonder to me, how can this place ALWAYS manage to be in extremely gloomy state? There are huge black clouds above my head, no matter when/where/how/why! I'm sure you can imagine how it is to your skin when fire touches you, isn't that extreme heat for a human? Imagine the same thing - but in extreme cold. It is AS firey and killing. HOW can it get SO cold?? It's life's harrassment. It's brutal!!!
The people I came across here - the desis, I'm sure we interact only coz we are desis in pardes. If we were to come across them or they were to come across us in our des, I don't think anyone would even bother. So the relationship based on this criteria... how real could it be? Well, it's as artificial as it can get.
The Americans - well yes, a few I know thru the few my husband knows thru his office. I don't have anything much to say - I see them once every six months... so, D'oh! The others I see are either at the doc's appointment or at a shopping mall or at a restaurant. All these places, I can see it in their faces/behavior that I am a foreigner, or worse, "an Indian" to these "Americans"... and I don't blame them.
Health-wise... I have no clue why in India we think it's all well and nice here. Yes, the most obvious problem - pollution, is missing here. But let me tell you, the extreme weather has adverse affects for anyone here. During the cold times, which is almost the whole year, you can see NO life in whatever form - trees, birds, animals... they just hibernate or migrate! Ah, now, "humans" here don't do that and of course the weather will kill whatever life that's left in spare.
You need to be an "American" to live in "America." If you are an "Indian," then who do you think you are fooling, macha? Pittsburgh is a totally "American" city... it's in fact even rated in the top-most among the most livable cities in the USA. The affordable housing, affordable cost of living, the low crime rate, the nice universities... what else do u need for a family or for the elderly?
But how much sense does it really make for a person like me? Career-oriented? Money-oriented? BS! These words especially don't make sense when I'm talking about a dependent visa, that too during the years when I can be most actively pursuing what I "want to do" in my life. But yes, a marriage has all the answers. It has suddenly given a U-turn to wherever I was going - if I was going somewhere - is still a mystery though.
Whatever your biggest problems - "What do I do with my life?" now have a simple answer "Just keep ur husband and urself happy and if you can do something too with ur education/talent... well, that's great." Now, the sooner you realize that this is the ultimate answer, the better! The problem lies in is it easy to digest the difficult stuff which is now easy?
Well I obviously don't want my husband to read this and start thinking he is the root cause of all the issues... I would say, that's again BS, coz it's me who has made the decision of whatever that is to happen to me. That's his slogun too, so I can share it ;)

Thanks for reading.