Starting a new life with a new person and at a place far away from "home" has sometimes forced me to shut my brain down. Well yes of course its not that I have an active life and my that my brain is busy (it's shut down most of the times, yes)... but all the emotions related to "why am I so alone?" when the only person you are living with is not all what you are like or what you would expect him to be like (of course, anyone not you is someone not you), need to be locked tight in a ziploc and frozen(haha, the house-wife slang)... I don't want them to affect my behavior and I also don't want them to be forgotten.
As days pass by, I see myself changing. I see myself changing in a way which lubricates the forward gear of the new relationship. I do the dishes with no complaints now. I do a lot of cooking too. Cleaning up the mess everyday - well, I am yet to learn. Watching the fav shows of my husband on tv and getting used to them so much that I myself want to see them... like the news, sports, stand-up comedies, sitcoms, history, science, etc. And thinking ten times before I spend a penny is the biggest thing I have learnt. Going on for days without any of those long talks that I was used to doing all my life... is also a big change. I do talk to my mom almost everyday to start chats but I soon do realize getting into details only gets you free advice which is unwelcome most of the times! (it's a new family you are starting and you want to make ur own rules for it, right?) :D
Recently when I met the same set of ppl that I met when I was new to Pitt, I had a totally different feeling towards them this time compared to the first. Months ago, I couldn't relate to them, I used to go mad at how stupid/dumb/silly/boring/lazy they are but now, I am one of them... I did laugh at the stupid joke of a guy making dal and hence there's always a bad smell of 'gas' in their house. I don't know what the heck it means, but yes I was laughing away jus like everyone in the crowd. 15 ppl laughed on that single sentence for 5 min. Damn, what a change in company that I used to have and now what I get here!!! The changes do seem to set in, slowly but surely.
Setting up a house here also has it's own hurdles. It is never known how long you are living in the city and also in the apartment. So the more you make ur apartment cozy and home-like, the more the expenses and also the burden of carrying them to a new place. So going for shopping to places like Ikea, Bed Bath and Beyond is like a torture... you want to buy all those nice things and set up a comfy place for urself but you jus don't wanna spend so much money on a place which is probably just temporary! Buying winter clothes also has the same issue... what if you move to South or West where there is no snow at all - all the 100s of $ you spent on them is now just a waste! It's so difficult to live first of all to start living in a new country, start a new home and then the issues of temporary living complicates it all up.
Almost all my life it's been an easy cash flow for me whenever I wanted to buy things. This, that - doesn't matter what. Esp since when my bro started earning, things got so simpler at the shopping front. And then the one and half year I was working at Infy, I even had five different sources for cash!!! (Mom, Dad, Bro, Bhabhi and I) But gosh, now the situation is so different - it's not only the problem of a single person earning for two ppl to live in a luxurious country but it's also about me learning to handle the 'finance' branch of my new home with a responsibility now! Mama always says that it's all in the hands of the woman of a home to set the direction for buying, spending, consuming things and the efficiency.
Moving to this country has also deprived me of having a job. I definitely didn't enjoy the exclusive "house-wife" role which came free with it. My desperation to go out and occupy my idle brain, which in-turn comes free with the role of house-wife, has got me yielded to do further studies, which I have been so adamant not to get into it all these years. Yes of course I know what you are thinking - that if you had the free time like me, you would want to do 1000 different things, everything u ever wanted to do. I can't think of any good excuse or any good reason as to why I haven't utilized my time - I could just talk about not knowing anyone here (absolutely nobody), being dependent for everything like moving around, money, information (Partha will never ever let me drive alone). Even with all these restrictions, I still surely could have read books, blog, learn guitar, do painting, crafts, cook, watch movies, etc. There is no reason why in the world I would not do these things - and yes, I have done them but I could have done a LOT better!!! I really, just really don't know what brought in this slack - the best I can say is that the "marriage" has kept me a lil' occupied! ;) (more on that later)
Whether you want it or not, life keeps changing it's course and demands you to change along with it. Any lack of response would hit you hard. The sooner, the better. Believe it or not, but sometimes when the topic of having kids comes up, I am not startled or lost! Now you know that I realize I am changing...
Thanks for reading.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment