Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Possibilities

Isn't it true how the possibilities of what you can do reduce as we grow old? When you are a kid, you thought u can be this, u can be that, why not do this, why not that? You would have thought of a hundred different things you would do. "I wanna go around the earth in a space shuttle once." "I wanna be a rock star." This surely looked possible for me then! NOW, I will just say, ah I see no way that'll ever happen to me.
Why so much exagerration of a dream... I can even talk about something small. I always loved motor bikes. Since childhood I've been crazy of speed on bikes and dreamt of sitting behind my honey on his motor bike and going zoom! I would love to break rules and then escape from being caught! Adventures of all sorts!
Now, when I see those zooming motorbikes on roads - I still dream sitting on the back seat. Once when I mentioned to Parth about how fun it is, he simply said "what nonsense!" It didn't strike to me what it meant at that point of time. Later I realized - I should simply just forever not think of motorbikes again... forget dreaming about going with ur honey on it!!! That small dream is now yes - can now be a crumbled paper in trash can :-( :-(
Parth said, as we get older, we get wiser and so we don't want to do such stupid biking anymore. Our priorities change. But I think - it's the possibilities that narrow down! For me the possibility has become zero coz my honey hates it! So, it's the possibility. If I keep prioritizing things, I will never dream... right?

In the same flow, I started thiking of what happened to me in the last one year. Me coming to US has narrowed or zeroed all possibilities! I was handicapped and I was basically felt like a prisoner this one year. Oh so much dependence, never ever ever had for anything! Now maybe with this Masters and my driving license, I can slowly build up my "possibilities" but at the same time I need to build a new me. The old me is useless here.
Now, acc to Parth buying a house will narrow the possibilities of us going back to India. Because now our priority is to not to incur losses coz of the house.(paused to think: "money is the root of all problems directly or indirectly. Damn, wish I had some carefree zone there.)

So what's the solution? If a person cannot take risks, there will be jus nothing that could have possibly existed. Oh, why go so far? If one cannot take risks, no one would have bought a house. The safest is, jus keep living in a rented apartment (nothing wrong in it surely), keep going with the flow, lay low and thus, lay safe!

Okay, this post is taking wild turns and is going nowhere I can see. All I wanna say is, as you grow old, ur dreams a jus a few. The "feasibility" of ur childhood dreams gets narrow or zero. Some might be silly, but what if u think they are not silly or what if they are with you still? Are they still possible? Do we have to stop dreaming or hoping? My worst fear of not having my family/friends near to me, will it come true coz it now seems "possible"????

Thanks for reading (and getting confused).

Picture Tag

Have been wanting to blog since long, but I have so many things going on in my mind I feared I'll talk too much and unnecessarily.

Here I found this post in one of my frnd's blog page. I thought this is the time to blog again.

The rule is - I'm supposed to paste an image for every answer of mine which get from the first page of google image search, with minimal explanation. So, here are mine....

1. The age you will be in your next birthday:26


2. A place you’d like to travel to: Greece


3. Your Favourite place: Hyderabad

4. Your favourite food/drink: gongura

5. Your favourite pet: bird

6. Your favourite colour combination: red and black

7. Your favourite piece of clothing: frock


8. Your all time favourite song: Nothing else matters (Metallica)

9. Your favourite TV show: First time home buyers (HGTV) (Current favorite, I'm on a house-hunt here remember!!)

10. Full name of your significant other: Parthasarathy


11. The town in which you live in: Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania

12. Your screen name/nickname: Anjana (I dunno who the heck is this in the pic. I expected Lord Anjaneya (Hanuman)'s pic)

13. Your first job: Software Engineer

14. Your Dream Job: Filmmaker

15: Bad Habit you have: Laziness

16. Your worst fear:Settling down in USA (hmm, I think all my answers are w.r.t. my current state of mind)


17. The one thing you’ll like to do before you die: Earn lots of money (I wanna get independent and do what I want, lot of them)


18. The first thing you’ll buy if you get $1,000,000: Go back to India and give free education to poor (One of the major things I wanna do when I "earn that lots of money" too)




Thanks for reading.


Monday, May 18, 2009

MS and me

MS in US is the most common thing any dependent wife with either a lil' bit push from inside (she is bored of sitting at home) or push from outside (earning money reasons) will do.
I have already completed 2 of my courses here at RMU. I got an A and a B+. Not bad for the effort I put in! I led a normal house-wife kinda life even during the peak time of the courses. My anniversary, Puerto Rico trip, potlucks, get-togethers, day-outs and me falling sick for a long time in between all this... and my cooking... all this jus kept me away from my studies. I hardly did anything - and the grades, ahh... shouldn't have got that! I mean, both the courses were taught by some tough profs and yet! Well if it's so easy getting good grades, what'll ever motivate me to study more?? sigh!
One of the courses was "Decision Support systems". Here the cool prof "Packy" taught us MS Excel and Access. He is such a funny guy. Always loved his classes. I used to have a very hard time controlling my laughter at the funny things he told and the funny mistakes he used to make. The class had an average age of 35-40 yr olds. There as absolutely no one who was interested to talk or stay even a minute after the class ended. All what we can learn and do in assignments were given online so there was even no need to attend all classes. In fact, out of the 8, I attended only 5. The assignments were also not that great as he solved similar stuff in his ppts. So though they were very time consuming, I hardly applied my brain. But the good thing is, I learnt all that he taught.
The other course was DBMS. The name of this course itself brings so many events into my mind, a student from VCE IT! Though we had this course during our engineering, we were never taught. All of us learnt it in groups and scored minimum marks. Well, what happened was, we were assigned a new prof for this course and she was a young lady. We made so much fun of her in the classes that she started crying and abandoned coming to our class. It had obviously become a big issue and there was no one to teach almost the whole sem! So DBMS always remained the toughest of all courses for me as I hardly understood anything.
In this univ too, jus for another experience sake in DBMS, I got a gay prof. He is more than 55 yrs old but gay!!! Again, I had a hard time not laughing in this class too. But this gay guy... ah, gave me a hard time. He was totally wierd. Instead of giving us a print-out of what he is expecting to see in the assignments before we actually submit it, he handed out those print-outs after assignment evaluation. I was like... you mus be crazy! How can you jus cut points? You shud have given it to us before we submitted the thing, you stupid gay professor! So well, I did lose some points in the beginning, but after I got a hang of this gay - I did well. So that's why the B+ and not A :(
Strange thing about the MS I'm doin is, it hardly feels like college. It had the main criteria of the low fee I was looking for and also, no thesis for getting a Masters! These two points dragged me to the univ, but what the heck, it's not college!! Can you believe I don't have a single friend (other than one desi gal) even after completing 2 courses? The (old)age of my classmates is like a big wall between them and me. It's funny to see not jus one - but so many men/women with grey hair and may be even having kids of my age studying with me in the same class!
The course schedule is also a bit funny... I mean, jus 8 weeks? Only 8 classes per course?? By the time I get a hang of the prof and the course - the course has ended! hahaha!!!
Not jus that - It's been almost 3 weeks and I am still on a break. It'll last another week now. Break from what, man?? Don't even know how the two courses ended. I'm so so totally totally bored with this break. I dont' even have that lil' studying to do. The next term, I registered for only 1 course - Project Management. Since the sun is here now, I want to spend some time with him :-) So will get back to being a book-worm when he goes away. And don't ask me why Project Management. It was the only "good" course being offered this time.
The best thing I'm liking about my MS is the independence I'm getting with it! I have my own thing to do now! I drive to school, I have my studies to do, my assignments to do, my time to manage :D wow, it makes me feel so good! I can possibly even have a set of my friends - though I don't see that happening too much actually. But whenever someone talks to me for somethin, I get totally excited! :D It's like yayy... he might become my friend! ;) hmm.. still waiting for one though...

So yes, it's a good time out for myself with this MS thing. It's pluses all the way - no much effort, occupies my free time, less fee, no thesis, will get a Masters degree at the end of it, that too in jus a year, have an internship option during MS, an OPT after it's done and also giving me an option to look for jobs in Data Warehousing after it's done.

Thanks for reading.

Friday, May 15, 2009

Actually a part of desi-house-wife gang

So it's been more than a year since I've come to the US but still haven't gone out anywhere alone. All what you are, what you know holds no meaning when you are in a new place with no identity. Anyways so finally - I got set up (with a lot of difficulty) with a group of desi house-wife gals who live a lil' far away in the "little India" of Pitt. Yes, I'm not living in my own country and also not living in the "little" chance of "India" that I have - obviously you should know I don't have any say and it's a worthless argument to even give a start. What will you try and explain to a person who loves his "privacy", doesn't like "Indian" environment and cannot understand/picture how it is to live alone all the while for a whole long year not knowing any other face other than the one living in the same apartment.
So these gals in the little colony of India do live in the "Indian" environment. I wanted to be one of them even though I was not living there. So I worked really hard to get into their group - took me a year! I invited people, cooked for them, entertained them, told them I am very interested in whatever they do as a group, tried hard to remove from their minds what my hubby had put in theirs' (about involving me in their activities), took intiative and showed enthusiasm for any get-togethers, etc. So now, I am a part of the group finally.
Here I dont' want to judge how I feel and what I get to talk or whether I get to talk in the group - I just want some time out for myself on my own!!! That's what I'm aiming for and I'm happy I got it. I sometimes find it strange as they are not as "talkative" as how much a group of gals can be!
I got to spend a whole day out with those gals in a mall and later in a park. To my hubby's and my big surprise, I didn't shop for anything though I visited a big mall and though everyone was desperately buying something or looking for something to get their husbands buy it for them. Well... guess I had my mind clear... I want a time out! That's all about it!
I even found a new friend. All thanks to dear Saras. It's her sister-in-law Krithika!!! Saras did tell me one day that she'll ask her bhabhi to call me. Though I gave her the number, I was not so sure if I'll really get a call coz it's almost no chance when it's someone's bhabhi is to give u a call jus coz shez living in US too. But, I sure did get one and wow, what an amazing feeling. Just to be given a call by a stranger and knowing that they are actually interested in talking to you!
And what a bonus for me - she was an amazing person! Unique like I've not known before. Talented, down-to-earth, frank, innocent, fun, talkative, intelligent and beautiful with a good heart! And the best thing is, she most of the time spoke word-to-word exactly like what I feel about most of the stuff. So I had a great time relating - and of course the base is that both of us found ourselves in a new land as house-wives. But really - you can be sure that most of the house-wives (or all of them that I got to know here) would have been house-wives whether it was in India or here it didn't matter. Hmm, so I could hardly relate to them. But it's nice - to finally get to have some little time on my own in the city which was harsh on me for the whole year - and well ya, people can blame me for saying I have been a lazy dumb ass for sitting at home... well, hmm.... I don't blame them. Guess they are partly right too - though not completely right.

Thanks for reading.

Friday, May 8, 2009

The Dee of In-Dee-Ya(India) speaks

It has become a challenge for me to appreciate life here. I miss the hustle-bustle of a city, like the kind where I grew up, which is natural to me in a "city." I really *don't know* if there is life existing beyond the four walls of my apartment. Well wait, I can hear the birds chirping and sometimes even see them flying. ah, felt so nice when they came in a few days ago! (When winter comes, everything goes) But I sure do have no clue about any human existence whatsoever! I don't even see a "natural environment" for life here... I'm talking about the sun, damn it!
Can I start my own music inside the four walls...? But oh yes honey, I will turn the volume down and of course there are only "certain days" and "certain time during those days" when it can be turned on... there are some lifeless "people living" around here u know (oh, really??).
Is there any hope when you step out of the building? Ah wellllll... I see the undisturbed flow of cars... driven by a computer? May be, coz reality and life is never smooth, is it?
How about the university you study at? I don't even get an eye-contact with the 50-year old people around me, lot of questions in mind pop up here - is it coz I'm Indian? Is it coz they are in a hurry? Is it coz that's how it is? Or is it coz they are jus zombies...?!! Yes, how do u think humans are here all of a sudden??
It's a BIG wonder to me, how can this place ALWAYS manage to be in extremely gloomy state? There are huge black clouds above my head, no matter when/where/how/why! I'm sure you can imagine how it is to your skin when fire touches you, isn't that extreme heat for a human? Imagine the same thing - but in extreme cold. It is AS firey and killing. HOW can it get SO cold?? It's life's harrassment. It's brutal!!!
The people I came across here - the desis, I'm sure we interact only coz we are desis in pardes. If we were to come across them or they were to come across us in our des, I don't think anyone would even bother. So the relationship based on this criteria... how real could it be? Well, it's as artificial as it can get.
The Americans - well yes, a few I know thru the few my husband knows thru his office. I don't have anything much to say - I see them once every six months... so, D'oh! The others I see are either at the doc's appointment or at a shopping mall or at a restaurant. All these places, I can see it in their faces/behavior that I am a foreigner, or worse, "an Indian" to these "Americans"... and I don't blame them.
Health-wise... I have no clue why in India we think it's all well and nice here. Yes, the most obvious problem - pollution, is missing here. But let me tell you, the extreme weather has adverse affects for anyone here. During the cold times, which is almost the whole year, you can see NO life in whatever form - trees, birds, animals... they just hibernate or migrate! Ah, now, "humans" here don't do that and of course the weather will kill whatever life that's left in spare.
You need to be an "American" to live in "America." If you are an "Indian," then who do you think you are fooling, macha? Pittsburgh is a totally "American" city... it's in fact even rated in the top-most among the most livable cities in the USA. The affordable housing, affordable cost of living, the low crime rate, the nice universities... what else do u need for a family or for the elderly?
But how much sense does it really make for a person like me? Career-oriented? Money-oriented? BS! These words especially don't make sense when I'm talking about a dependent visa, that too during the years when I can be most actively pursuing what I "want to do" in my life. But yes, a marriage has all the answers. It has suddenly given a U-turn to wherever I was going - if I was going somewhere - is still a mystery though.
Whatever your biggest problems - "What do I do with my life?" now have a simple answer "Just keep ur husband and urself happy and if you can do something too with ur education/talent... well, that's great." Now, the sooner you realize that this is the ultimate answer, the better! The problem lies in is it easy to digest the difficult stuff which is now easy?
Well I obviously don't want my husband to read this and start thinking he is the root cause of all the issues... I would say, that's again BS, coz it's me who has made the decision of whatever that is to happen to me. That's his slogun too, so I can share it ;)

Thanks for reading.

What's all this fuss about the USA??

So why do most people come to the United States of America? I really don't know much, but there are a few things I've come to realize during my stay here, only some of it may be true.
We Indians come here coz we didn't find an immediate job or value for the education we had in our lives so far. Like we always know grass is always greener on the other side, and better if its far, far away and in the world's most powerful country and which is open to people coming in on visas.
Then, other people who migrate here are the ones who believe this is the "land of opportunities" and well, they do utilise the opportunities they come across... may be start their own company and reach their career goals. And yes, people with talent can at some point of time, get a recognition.
Some others are here to get enoughUSD in their bank and push up their standard of living back in their mother land.
Many other people are here, just going with the flow... lots of friends, relatives give them a bright picture of a bright future and so this is the place to be!
And then of course there are many others who keep wondering, not knowing what the hell they are doing so far away from their family and country, not liking the way the United States treats them but still holding on coz "they can't go back" or "waiting for the day of freedom from a visa."
And then, there is a whole lot along with any type of people who come here as dependents, for example, me! Some of my kind come here and love this place, love this peace and love the people (? though they may not talk to any American in their lifetime) and just stay like that... lovely and giving love to their husbands, having lovely kids and so on...
There are other girls who not knowing what to do, start studying, wandering around, wondering and waiting for something to happen.
Most of this kind of course end up cooking and potlucking, worshipping the good Gods and celebrating any festival and not putting any miles in their car after they buy a "brand new one" but of course those are the photos we show off :)
(Well seriously, these few words about each type of people talks everything of the life here, life here is that simple and not happening.)
There are some people I know, even after 30 years of "happy life" in US, don't want to live here and always want to go back to where they were born. And there are other women I know who are totally depressed, have health issues, lost all their hair and beauty but are bonded to the USA coz of their husbands and their passion for work.
There are others who show extreme talent and the USA suddenly becomes the right place in the world for them. People living in California, feel so close to home (India) and don't find any reason why they should look back.

Life here is much tougher than we think, because firstly we need to find our own place, get accustomed, transform and become like the people here, get used to the unfriendly silence and unnatural environment (there is nothing tropical/Indian about this weather!) and then of course the rules, regulations for everything imaginable... there is nothing out of place or random, which ah, Indians need to work on everyday of life here!
So what's all this fuss about the USA?? I'm not sure if it being a land of dreams is enough to sacrifice the Indian in me. You cannot live in AMERICA if you are an INDIAN! You need to be an AMERICAN to live in AMERICA right??

Thanks for reading.

Thursday, December 4, 2008

Tick, tick goes the clock; click, click goes the mouse.

A computer connected to the net has all the power in the world to suck u in. It can take you to whichever place u want, whatever u want to know, whatever u want to do, what u want to do with ur life, what u want to waste ur time on. Everything a person can possibly imagine - a computer is there in front of u ready with it.
is more addictive than a Television. Gone are the days when ppl used to be glued to their TVs. It's the internet now!!! A PC is a TV and more.
Yes, I know it's a fact since several years and I should have told it 8 years ago... but now I am experiencing it more than ever. It is not just about keeping in touch with your friends and wikipedia, it's also about online shopping and online TV. It's not a matter of worry at all if u don't have Indian channels in ur cable or if u missed any episode - it's all there on the net.
It was even in the news recently that the minds of people are changing and people are having less of social skills now. The mind of a person supposedly gets into a lot of neural activity when on google compared to a person who is watching a movie. We might even get genetically advanced.
But well, it's just getting on my nerves now. If you want to know something or buy something, the internet I believe wastes a person's time 10 times more than not using it. Because you just don't stop at what info you get - you check for ten different related and 10 different unrelated things and then also check the authenticity of all those things. If u are shopping online, u open at least 10 tabs in ur browser with 10 different auctions or sellers. Then u start looking into them one by one and finally you find the cheapest deal. Now in order to make sure it's the best one too, u read the reviews of the seller, reviews of this particular version of the product, the previous version reviews and then the reviews of the reviewer and then the rating of the reviewer. If u feel its not the best u could get, then u go to the different tab. All the things that happen repeat themselves. It just goes on and on... and then one fine day u decide to go and see the product in store yourself and there it is - all the views thru reviews that u had shatter as they jus dont' match what u actually see at the store. You come back home and keep clicking ur mouse for more and more options for that single thing u wanna buy. One day you get a discount coupon and finally what happens is, u go to the store and buy it! And there is never a sign of disgruntle at the amount of time you wasted - jus coz u were on the net researching.
What a whole lot of waste of time it really does without our knowledge! Most people get to the stage where even when they wanna buy a pair of socks, they will research online for days - because they think the best deals are worth searching for - but actually it is just an addiction!
A television can bore you sometimes, you might get irritated that there's no good show and switch it off. A book can also bore you sometimes, if the story is going nowhere and all what's in there is getting predictible. Cooking, working, watching movies, listening to music, gymming, hanging out- everything can become a drag at some point. But internet is that magical thing that can never get u bored. It can keep a jobless person occupied for days together seamlessly. It can even make a person with a job the busiest man ever, coz now after work, there is internet to occupy his brain. I sometimes even think software engineers seem to be the busiest people - either at job or at leisure, they are always with a PC and appear to be working!! It's this infatuation with a PC setting in without anyone's knowledge that I am scared of. My friend once joked, I just go on clicking but till date I have not yet reached "the last page of the internet!"

Thanks for reading.